One of the first big transitions postpartum is when your partner or support person goes back to work. It signifies the start of a time when you are alone in your care for your baby. Many new Moms fear this transition and doubt their ability to care for their baby. This is normal—you are not alone if you feel this way! But I want you to know, you don’t have to stay stuck in your feelings of doubt and fear. Sitting in those feelings without taking steps to support and care for your mental health may make the transition more challenging than it needs to be.
When my husband went back to work after both of my kids were born, there were different elements that helped make for a somewhat smooth transition. The first time around, we planned ahead for my Mom to come stay with us that first week. She helped mostly in making meals so I didn’t have to manage one extra thing. She also provided companionship and encouragement. Though it only lasted one week, it helped me feel more prepared and confident when she left and I was truly on my own for the rest of my maternity leave.
The second time around, I didn’t have that same tangible support. I also had the extra challenge of caring for a toddler and a newborn. Needless to say, I was exhausted. However, in some senses I had more confidence because it was my second time around and I knew more of what to expect. I had to choose to be intentional with setting realistic expectations for myself. If my expectations had been too high, I’d set myself up for disappointment or discouragement.
To set yourself up for success mentally and emotionally, come up with a plan ahead of time! Focus on little wins and self encouragement. This is hard work, Mama! You’re learning a lot in a short period of time and there is so much grace for stumbling along as you figure it out.
Here are my recommendations for areas you can prepare beforehand:
1) Figure out who can support you and in what ways
- Who can you text when you’re overwhelmed?
- Who could bring you a coffee on a particularly rough day?
- Who could plan to FaceTime you to check-in at points in the day that tend to be more difficult?
- Could you have a meal train set for that week?
2) Celebrate little wins
- Did you shower? Amazing!
- Did you go for a walk on your own? Way to go!
- Did you feed yourself? What a Rockstar!
3) Give yourself grace in difficult moments
- Did you yell because you were overstimulated? Put baby down, take a break, and take some deep breaths. You deserve moments of care, too.
- Did you expect to do dishes, but just couldn’t get yourself to do it and scrolled on your phone? Honestly, maybe that’s exactly what you needed and you chose to pay attention to what you needed in that moment—a brain break to feel like an adult again.
4) Practice positive affirmations
In harder seasons especially, it's so easy for our brains to focus more on negative thoughts, especially about ourselves and our abilities. Practice encouraging, compassionate self-talk will empower you to keep at it and build resilience during a hard transition.
I am so bad at this. • I’m learning and growing, one step at a time.
I am not meant to be alone with baby. • I am built for this.
I don’t measure up to the other Moms. • I am capable and worthy.
5) Reach out to a perinatal mental health therapist
If you are noticing consistent overwhelm and could use extra support, reach out to a perinatal mental health therapist. Every Mom deserves as much support as they can give. This is a season that comes with so many changes and having someone to emotionally support you and encourage you is golden.
For more tools and education on mental health in pregnancy and postpartum, follow Empowered Perinatal on Instagram!